IF YOU'RE READING THIS, CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU HAVE SURVIVED THE MAYAN CALENDAR END-OF-THE-WORLD SUPPOSED APOCALYPSE,
CHRIST CONSUMER MASS AND ALL THE BOLLOCKS ASSOCIATED WITH ORGANIZED RELIGION AND THE CORPORATE CALENDAR NEW YEAR.
I FOUND THE HYPOCRITICAL CATHOLIC CHURCH COMMERCIALS WELCOMING DIVORCED PEOPLE BACK TO THE FOLD MILDLY AMUSING. YOU COULD SEE THE REJUVENATED MAN’S SCRIPT VEILED A SLICK FINGER POINTING OUT HOW THE POOR GUY’S LIFE FELL APART WITHOUT THE CHURCH. THE DESPERADO PAPAL COFFERS MUST BE EMPTY FROM PAYING FOR ALL THE SEXUAL ABUSE CLASS ACTION LAWSUITS.
I DID LOVE THE COMMERCIALS THIS YEAR THAT ENCOURAGED SPENDING ON TANGIBLE THINGS LIKE LESSONS IN THE ARTS, HOMEMADE-BAKED YUMMIES FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, OR RECYCLING STUFF TO MAKE IT PERSONAL. THAT WAS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION BY MAKING SIMPLICITY AN ACCEPTABLE NORM BEYOND THE BARRAGE OF CONSUMERISM; THERE IS ALREADY TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY PLASTIC GARBAGE IN THE WORLD.
I'VE RECENTLY BEEN THINKING OF DOWNSIZING THE STUFF THAT’S CLOGGING UP MY HOME. I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING MY BAND QUILT PROJECT. WORKING IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS HAS BROUGHT ME SHITLOADS OF BAND SHIRTS THAT TAKE UP A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF SPACE—I GUESS I'D BE A STEP CLOSER IF I JUST STARTED CUTTING OUT THE LOGOS AND TOSSING THE FABRIC SCRAPS, BUT THE ARTIST IN ME IS LIKE, “HMMMM... FABRIC SCRAPS COULD BE FORMED INTO A GIANT SCULPTURE.” CATCH 22 THERE.
SHOULD I GET STARTED ON DOOMSDAY PREPPERS? I GUESS AT LEAST THEY ARE HOARDING NECESSITIES. EVERY PRAGMATIC PESSIMIST NEEDS A BUNCH OF EXPIRED FOOD AND PHARMACEUTICALS! JUST GIVE ME A CROSSBOW, A GUN AND SOME AMMO. I HAVE ENOUGH FOOD TO LAST A WHILE, COURTESY OF THE FULL CUPBOARD AND FREEZER SYNDROME BESTOWED ON MY PSYCHE BY MY DEPRESSION-ERA RAISED PARENTS. I'VE ALSO MASTERED THE ART OF SHRINK-WRAPPED BEEF JERKY PORTIONS.
HOPEFULLY ALL THESE DOOMSDAY CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE REALLY JUST A POSITIVE SHIFT IN CONSCIOUSNESS FOR THE WORLD. I PROMISED A BUNCH OF MY PEEPS IN BANDS THAT I'D BRING UP SOME GIG DAY ETIQUETTE POINTERS FOR THEIR LOVERS. I JUST WANTED TO EXPLAIN HOW YOU COULD MAKE GIG DAY SMOOTH SAILING FOR YOUR BAND PEEP.
THE FIRST THING IS TO MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE. THEY HAVE A LOT OF SHIT ON THEIR MIND AND THEY NEED TO COORDINATE WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THEIR TRIBE. IT IS CERTAINLY GUARANTEED THAT THEY HAVE AS MANY IDIOSYNCRASIES WITH THEIR BANDMATES AS THEY HAVE WITH YOU. BEING A PART OF A BAND IS LIKE HAVING FOUR OR FIVE RELATIONSHIPS AT ONCE.
TRY NOT TO COMPLICATE THE DAY WITH YOUR DOMESTIC ISSUES. IT CAN ALL WAIT 24 HOURS... SERIOUSLY... IF THEY ARE TRYING TO ZONE INTO THEIR MUSIC PERSONA, JUST REMEMBER THAT A HEAP OF RELATIONSHIP DRAMA IS THE LAST THING ON THEIR MINDS. YOU ARE FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE AGAINST A CHURNING BRAIN WITH A SET LIST FULL OF BEATS, RIFFS OR LYRICS.
PERHAPS ASK IF THEY NEED YOUR HELP WITH ANYTHING. CHANCES ARE THEY DON'T, BUT IT'S NICE TO OFFER. MAKE YOUR OWN WAY TO THE SHOW, LEARN HOW TO HOLD YOUR OWN AT THE GIG, GRAB THEM A BEER FOR THE STAGE OR OFFER TO MIND THE MERCH TABLE. BRING A FRIEND ALONG IF YOU HAVE A HARD TIME GOING IT ALONE. CONSIDER THEIR TIME IN THE VENUE IS AKIN TO THEM BEING AT WORK. A BAND IS A PSEUDO BUSINESS AFTER ALL. THERE IS MERCH TO SELL.
SO HERE'S HOPING 2013 BRINGS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF KILLER TUNES... AN ABUNDANCE OF VENUES AND A CONTINUED RESURGENCE OF OUR SUBCULTURE! CHEERS EVERYONE! SEE YOU AT THE SHOWS!
- wendythirteen
